


you're etched into me like the star dust in our veins

by evynessence



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, I couldn't help myself so it gets sad at the end, Munch makes a bet with Alex and obviously she takes the challenge, Olivia is just in love, Romance, matching tattoos, squad vibes, there isn't a happy ending lol, they're messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26554693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evynessence/pseuds/evynessence
Summary: It wasn’t like Olivia wanted it to happen- at first, she blamed the alcohol dulling her inhibitions. But it wasn’t like she could ignore the way the city lights shining on Alex’s hair made her look angelic or the way her pouting made Olivia want to do everything in her power just to see a smile again. It’s not like Olivia would’ve seen any of this if it weren’t for Elliot inviting Alex out for drinks or Munch and his stupid bet.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	you're etched into me like the star dust in our veins

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been bouncing around in my head for so long and I finally had to just get it out. (Four drafts later, here we are!) It's majority fluff but I can't help writing my best girls sad and then happy and then sad, because I can't make up my mind. But I digress. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It started the same way it ended, on a rain-slicked sidewalk, triggered by Munch’s overzealous attitude and Alex’s need to be right. 

A barbet. Not unheard of in their squad, but Olivia was baffled at how quickly Alex accepted the challenge. Like she was slipping into a shoe for the first time and it already was molded to fit her foot. 

Alex ended up losing, much to Munch’s amusement, something she also took in stride. 

She was supposed to get a tattoo of Munch’s choosing, but the parlor refused to serve them in their tipsy-headed-straight-to-drunk condition. Alex frowned in frustration, her face scrunching up like she’d smelled something rotten, and crossed her arms defiantly. 

“No. We’re doing this.” She said to a mostly empty sidewalk, Munch already hailing a cab trying to beat the rain, and Elliot long gone after a call from Kathy. “I don’t want this bet to go unserved.” 

No one was listening. No one except Olivia who watched Alex’s profile alit by the city lights. Her perfect lips- always flattened into expressionlessness or curved slightly into an aloof smile -puckered out, in that perfect Alex way, into a pout. 

That’s when it happened for the first time. The stutter of Olivia’s heart, like someone playing hopscotch in her chest. 

A single droplet of rain landed on Alex’s nose. The tension on her face unraveled like a ball of yarn; wonder replacing agitation as crystal blue eyes turned skywards. 

It wasn’t like Olivia wanted it to happen- at first, she blamed the alcohol dulling her inhibitions. But it wasn’t like she could ignore the way the city lights shining on Alex’s hair made her look angelic or the way her pouting made Olivia want to do everything in her power just to see a smile again. It’s not like Olivia would’ve seen any of this if it weren’t for Elliot inviting Alex out for drinks or Munch and his stupid bet. 

Yeah. When in doubt, blame Munch and Elliot. And  _ alcohol _ . 

Munch had success with the cab just as sporadic droplets shifted into a steady fall. The three of them tumbled into the back, and Olivia tried to ignore the way Alex was half sitting on her lap in the cramped space. Her alcohol addled brain had better ideas, like reminding her that the heat pressed into her side was Alex’s and the lavender scent was her shampoo. Olivia all but fell out of the car when her building came into view. 

No one ended up getting a tattoo that day but Olivia knew Alex was going to be a permanent fixture in her brain. 

  
  


After a week of pestering and teasing- all Munch -the squad had, for the most part, forgotten about it. Alex didn’t end up fulfilling the bet until almost a year later.

They were in Washington D.C. attending a sexual assault awareness convention where Olivia’s attendance was required. At the last minute, Alex asked if she minded company. Which, she didn’t. Not really. Not usually. But Olivia was doing so well at avoiding one on one interactions with Alex and channeling her newfound sexual frustrations into other things. And other people. 

But at the end of the day, all Alex had to do was  _ ask _ and Olivia would be tripping over herself to provide. 

So,  _ of course she said yes.  _

Washington D.C. in the summer wasn’t much different than New York- there was still a debilitating heat even after the sun had set and rain would sneak up on the unsuspecting. D.C. was just littered with more historical sites. 

They’d gone for a walk after a long day of sitting and the sky opened up and drenched them to the bone. 

So there they were, no umbrella, soaking wet, walking in stride with one another along a brightly lit D.C. street. Every other step, Alex would miscalculate and step too far to the right, leaning into Olivia’s space. Eventually, she looped her arm around Olivia’s and pulled them flush together. 

“Do you mind? I’m a bit cold.” There was no breeze and the rain was warm, but Olivia hummed a yes. 

Her brain screamed no. It begged her to take a step away, for her sanity, but her body only shifted back in step with Alex. The hopscotch game started in her chest again. 

They walked like that, in sync and silence, for a while. It wasn’t until Alex came to an abrupt halt, pulling Olivia with her, that she realized they’d entered a shopping area. Most of the storefronts were dark, their advertisements shadows against the glass, but one was brightly lit with a flashing open sign. 

A tattoo parlor.  _ Huh _ . 

Alex was lost in a decision, an internal battle waging inside her head. The lights were harsh against her pale skin which stood out against the blacked sky like a supernova star. She looked like she’d been cut out of reality. An otherworldly being gracing the earth with her presence. Like Aphrodite or Athena. 

Olivia wracked her brain for a moment, uprooting high school knowledge long since buried, before settling on Athena. Athena for sure. Alex was beautiful- there was no disputing that -but Olivia had spent hours with her during trial prep. Had watched the way Alex dismantled an argument from every angle before finding the perfect strategy. It was a battle plan if Olivia ever saw one. 

She was so lost in thought admiring both the beauty and brains of Alex, that Olivia almost didn’t notice when she began to worry her lower lip with her teeth. Olivia blinked. Because really, what was she supposed to do? Look away? That was pointless now. 

The hopscotch player picked up the pace. 

Olivia opened her mouth to say something-  _ anything _ -to get Alex to stop doing  _ that _ , but she clamped her lips together as Alex took two brisk steps and pulled the door open. 

What came next, in retrospect, is a giant blur in Olivia’s brain, but she remembered a cheery receptionist and flipping through hundreds of tattoo books with Alex. She remembered after an hour of finding nothing of interest, Alex’s strong resolve began to crumble. 

“I’m scared of needles,” Alex said, slumped against the back of her chair, brows furrowed and frown forming. “I don’t know why I’m even doing this.” 

“Pick one out for me,” Olivia shoved the book she was holding into Alex’s lap, determined to keep those lips turned upright. “I’ll pick one out for you and we’ll get them together.” 

And that’s how Olivia and Alex found themselves shivering and giggling like teenagers in the back of a tattoo parlor. Alex’s shoulder pressed flush against Olivia’s, pushing out the rain chill and replacing it with a warm fuzzy feeling. 

The ink danced across her ribs, an abstract blend of letters and shapes that only Alex could decipher, and Alex’s sat on her hip. “We match,” Alex had said, a dazzling smile splitting her face. 

Olivia drank in the look like she’d spent days lost in the desert and Alex was an oasis. 

There’s not a moment from that night that Olivia doesn’t remember. She was sober but drunk on the feeling of Alex pressing against her at the same time, and it wasn’t surprising to either of them when they stumbled into Alex’s hotel room and into her bed. The morning met them like the sweet caress of sheets against over sensitive skin. That is to say, nicely. 

Even nicer still, was the feeling of Alex in her arms, wrapped tight in an embrace that was equal parts loving and baffled. Olivia didn’t forget a single thing from that night but she had no idea how it had happened, nonetheless. 

And things didn’t change when they returned to New York, despite Olivia’s fears they would. Alex still joined the squad for beers, she welcomed Olivia into her office when the detective was in need of advice, and slowly, her belongings started to find a home in Olivia’s apartment.

It was perfect in a way Olivia never thought her life could be. For years it only contained work and mediocre take out food, but never much else. It was all so perfect, like the ink splayed across her ribs. Like the woman in bed next to her who mutters nonsensical things in her sleep. Like a beautiful, bright day in spring where it’s not too cold or warm, but just right to stretch out under a tree. 

But like sand through fingertips, Olivia should’ve known it was too hard to hold onto. 

Her tattoo burns now like flowing magma stitching itself into her skin, and she wants to dig her nails in and rip the design free of her flesh. It’s a phantom pain, that she knows. The real pain is heavy in her chest, but she doesn’t want this reminder. 

She washed the blood off her hands the moment she could, but the red is seared into her brain. Like the tattoo on her skin. Like Alex’s new identity. 

No. Not Alex. Maybe Samantha. Or Emily. Or Carol. Or Leigha. But not Alex, never again will she be Alex. Alex is dead somewhere in Wisconsin. 

Olivia watched Alex slip out from under her fingers on that rain-slicked pavement. She wants to scream. She wants to cry and curse the world for what’s happened, but she doesn’t because there’s a case to crack and justice to serve and Olivia needs to screw her head on straight. 

Olivia presses two fingers against the fabric that covers her tattoo. The permanent tether between her and Alex. They got tattoos together, but it didn’t guarantee forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to let me know your thoughts!


End file.
